Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Are You That Parent? I Am

I came to a horrible realisation this morning that I'm a certain kind of parent, one that is paining me to admit.

Hi, my name is Louise and I am a Control Freak Parent. There, it's out, I've admitted it now please don't hold it against me.

I know I've always had control issues, not with people but more with my surroundings if that makes sense. I'm of the attitude that if I want something done properly I may as well do it myself, a bit of perfectionist at times. I won't go into details but the OH wouldn't have been blamed for walking out on me one time over my issues with his painting in the living room.. I was 7 months pregnant at the time so I'm gonna put that incident down to hormones as well and we had just moved house, it was a very stressful time!
So when I recently read an article about this kind of parent alarm bells went toff in my head, oh dear God that's me!
I'm the parent who does it all, I'm tired, frazzled trying to make sure everything is done, ready and prepped for the next day, always running around, there's always something to be done.
The baby needs to be washed, fed, put to bed, the dog needs to be walked, fed and watered, the washing needs to be done, the hoovering needs to be done, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, the dinner needs to be cooked and what about that pile of washing that's been sitting in a basket on the upstairs landing for the past week?! That's not going to put itself away is it?! We won't even mention the ironing basket that's over flowing over the stairs banister.
I'm always the one doing it all. chasing my tail trying to keep up with everything as well as hold down a full time job. Sure look I have to do it all myself if I want it done the right way don't I?

Well no actually I don't, I just need to realise that MY way isn't necessarily the right way or the only way.
I believe it is a common attitude of the mother's to take on. For me my protectiveness plays a part in this and I just need to make sure everything is always ready for Luke, that he doesn't have to experience the standards slipping and seeing as I put those standards there then obviously it's up to me to keep them and nothing irritates me more then someone saying "Oh that's not like you" or "you're usually so organised / tidy /clean etc".

However, I have a very willing and capable Other Half, in fact seeing as we both work full time at the moment everything is really split down the middle, he takes as much care of Luke as I do, the only thing he doesn't do is the bedtime bottle because that's my favorite part of the day, time to wind down and relax with my Boy after a busy day and have some cuddles before he goes off to the land of nod.
The household jobs fall on me but that's because I allow them too, the OH will happily whip out the hoover or hang out the washing or empty the dishwasher, sure most times I have to ask him to do it rather than he just doing it off his own back but still that lightens my load that day when I share some of the jobs with him and just because he may not hang out the washing the same way I do, in fact we do it completely differently, that's ok. There's no need for me to freak out, he lived on his own for long enough before I came along so he's well able to keep a house.
Of course he's not a mind reader and I'm sure when he comes in of an evening he doesn't see what I see, he thinks the baby is in bed, work is done now I can relax. I'm incapable of that most days.
Last night I even saw myself doing it with Luke, he was crying from his cot, the OH was upstairs and went in, I straight away ran up and was like "It's ok, mum is here" and automatically took Luke as if I was the only person that would be able to soothe him. Of course it's my mother's instinct but the OH and Luke have a super strong bond so there was no need for me to go in and take control.

Now my pain in the ass controlling manner works in my favour too sometimes, it makes me organised at work, prepared for all eventualities if away somewhere, I know where exactly all of the important papers are at home (in organised folders in a storage box in my room that nobody is allowed to touch!), etc but when it comes to parenting / home life maybe I need to take it down a notch and remember that there are 2 of us there, it doesn't always have to be me that does everything. We can lighten the load for each other, make the mammoth task of everyday life with full time work and a baby and a dog that bit easier on each other by me loosening my grip and accepting that not everything needs to be done perfectly, the house doesn't need to be shining every single day and that while I have Mother's instinct the OH also has his Father's instinct.

Or not 

*I may be posting this to my detriment when I have a day where I cannot remember all of the above but I've admitted now so no going back!*

6 comments:

  1. My fiancée is much much of the same mind set, she feels like she has to get this, this and this done! I often feel like I can't do anything or put anything away in case it's in the wrong place or I do it wrong. And then I get mad when I do stuff and catch her "re-doing" it.... And them I feel lazy for not doing things... Its a catch 22 LOL

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    1. Oh my god I'd say my poor fiance is the same as you...feels he's better off if he just leaves things! He gave up making the bed because it was never right! Oh dear I sound like a right military sergent!! :P

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  2. Gosh, I seem to fall into this category a lot as well. Logically, I know it's silly and I'm really just creating more work for myself, but I need everything to be the way I need it to be! I know for a fact that it drives Almost-Husband absolutely bonkers, but it's not something I can shake.

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    1. I think my OH feels the same but I am happy to say I've eased up a small bit recently :)

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  3. I can completely relate especially when it comes to taking over. I know my other half is perfectly fine dealing with the little ones however I find it so hard just to step back and let him deal with it.

    Thanks for linking up to #TBTL

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    1. I thinks it's just our mother's instinct a lot of the time too but we need to give the Dad's a chance to eh?! :) #TBTL

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